Self-Medicating

Posted: 7/27/2006

In the many conversations I have going on in my head, it is seemingly difficult to focus my attention on the one that reveals the Truth!  What about that?  Already my mind has created yet another conversation(s), "What IS the Truth?  Why would I put a capital 'T' in front of it? How can I know what Truth is when I'm so distracted by everything around me?"  The questions go on and on.  What I realize is that as I continue to focus in this way, I can never get to a place that feels good.  It's very subtle.  However, in the asking, the answers are already there because if there wasn't an answer to be realized, there could never be a question in the first place (chicken vs. egg paradox).  I have to stop trying to figure everything out in my head and wait for the answer.  The answer usually comes when I'm driving my car, walking down the street, washing the dishes, etc.  Letting go of the struggle is the most powerful thing I can do.  I look at my progress with my CD and realize that I've been in the way of getting it done!  Now, I can say to myself, "Hey, easy there, stop trying so hard."  Pushing density only creates more resistance.  Saying, "Oh, just get over yourself and get it done" feels like self-sabotage- but saying instead, "I'm going to look for a way to feel good about where I am with this project" decreases the emotional attachment I have toward it and the people around me who lovingly ask about it.  This shows me that if I am gentle with myself, I start to create a new pattern of thinking based on how I feel.  And on top of all that, I stop blaming myself for nothing.  This is good medicine.