Day of Completion

Posted: 1/19/2008

Today is a fine day to write. Today is a fine day to write! I made the decision that today was a day of completion, and that no matter what, I would find the time to write. So I jumped out of bed around 7:50am, knowing that I had to be in my car in ten minutes in order to get to class in Milwaukee by 9am, but I also knew that if I didn't get a shower before I left that I would be hating the feeling of not having had a shower. So what's a girl to do in her morning madness? Well, now I could say, "Breathe!" I certainly didn't think of that this morning. I thought, "Damn, I'm gonna be late." Whatever. Drama all over again. This whole theme of being late all the time totally goes back to my birth as being a "late bloomer," a c-section, all this stuff around being late throughout my childhood, it's really old and I thought I was doing so well. What I've noticed, and I didn't get this until I got to class, was that I haven't been acknowledging myself for the little things. I mean, I did get to class showered and spunky with my new haircut and purple streaks, albeit at 9:20, but the simple recognition that I got myself there...I mean, come on, I gotta cut myself some slack here. How come I go to that place of immediate disapproval? What is that mentality where nothing I do is good enough? So I'm in class, and it gets to be my turn to speak, and the exercise is, "Complete this sentence stem: 'Something I acknowledge myself for today is...'" and what comes out of my mouth? Surprisingly, to my credit, I hear myself giving myself credit. "Something I acknowledge myself for today is giving myself the gift of acknowledgment for the little things." Okay now, this is huge, considering that I had been punishing myself the whole car ride up there. It amazes me how hard I can be on myself. So I'm driving back after class and later in the evening I decide that I need to fulfill my writing task, so I do that, and I don't feel any different. I really had an expectation and just didn't feel any energy move while writing, so I let it go. It's now the end of the day, this was a day of completion, no matter what I did and no matter how I treated myself. Every day I have the opportunity to create what I want, while learning to accept that everything I create is of my own doing. I'm learning to take responsibility for literally everything in my life, down to each and every thought I have. It's humbling.